f.l.y. // taking care of yourself, love in action

this is a series of blog posts i'm writing called f.l.y. // finally loving yourself in response to emily wierenga's dare to love yourself challenge. i'm framing my thoughts about the subject through the lens of agape -- unconditional love, God love, love in action. [my previous posts in this series are finally loving yourself & why taking care of yourself is important.]

my main thesis is that we cannot truly love others [& thereby obey Jesus' second greatest command, matthew 22:37-40] until we learn to love ourselves.

agape is nothing if not action, & this applies even to finally loving myself. i wrote last week about why taking care of yourself is important & why it's part of loving yourself [& loving God & others]. today, i want to talk about actually taking care of ourselves. what that means in specific action. i like to categorize everything in my life & to make lists, so here's my areas of self-care:

>> physical -- taking care of my body from the outside in
>> nutritional -- taking care of my body from the inside out
>> mental -- taking care of my brain
>> emotional -- taking care of my heart
>> spiritual -- taking care of my soul

taking care of yourself PHYSICALLY  >> this means exercising, stretching, toning, strengthening, hygiene, taking your makeup off before bed, moisturizing, sleeping enough, going to the doctor for regular check-ups, keeping your nails clean & neat, shaving!

taking care of yourself NUTRITIONALLY  >> this means eating good food, limiting junk food, watching your portions, drinking lots of water, taking a multi-vitamin, taking other needed supplements &/or medications, & for me, giving yourself necessary shots.

taking care of yourself MENTALLY  >> this means learning [never stop learning!], retaining what you know & learn, reading, doing puzzles, challenging yourself, practicing hobbies, taking breaks when needed, setting goals & working towards them.

taking care of yourself EMOTIONALLY  >> this means allowing & recognizing your feelings, not repressing, dealing with your feelings [both past & present], facing your fears, reducing stress, learning to breathe, cultivating healthy coping mechanisms, taking breaks, journaling, loving, forgiving.

taking care of yourself SPIRITUALLY  >> this means [to me] spending time with God every morning before i do anything else, in the middle of the workday, & before i go to bed, reading His word, memorizing & meditating on specific verses or passages of scripture, taking a personal retreat once a year, journaling, praying, praying, praying, listening, learning, practicing the spiritual disciplines, loving.


so, in keeping with my love for list-making, i hereby present:

the top 10 things i'm going to do 

to take care of myself for the next week

10. exercise every day except sunday. 
i'm pretty nervous about this commitment because i'm a notorious slacker in this area, but i'm hoping making a commitment in blogosphere public will help me get up & get going! exercise can include running, circuit training, aerobics videos, yoga, & long walks. i'm signed up for a 5k on april 13th & need to kick my rear in gear!

9. wash my face every single night.
i also stink at this & go to bed more often than not with my makeup on... but in the interest of my skin, my pores, & my self-esteem, i'm going to prioritize this each night. plus, my face washing routine is one of the most relaxing experiences, so it also helps me go to sleep.

8. cut out the junk food completely.
i'm going to define this as non-nutritional sweets [ex: cake vs. granola], fried foods, fast food, & processed snacks [ex: chips]. my sweet tooth is already aching at the thought...

7. drink only water & hot tea.
hi, my name is danae, & i'm addicted to dr. pepper. seriously. when i have a bad day, shaun knows it because he comes home to me sitting on the couch with a 2-liter... i'm really bad about drinking anything except water, although i don't dislike drinking water in the least.

6. read one hour every day.
i've been working on a book for some time, & i really want to finish it this year, but i still have quite a bit of research to get done, so i'd like to set aside some time for working on this goal.

5. paint something at least two times.
i love to paint. it's very therapeutic to me, & it's one of my favorite hobbies. i have hoped to paint more consistently so i can develop my style & skill & so i can produce some art for our home. i even have my easel permanently set up, but i never seem to make it to the stool...

4. decompress three times during the work day.
this just means taking time to breathe & refocus for a minute or two. i'm very task-oriented, & i can get so bogged down in my 2do list that i forget to prioritize or get stressed out. i like to close my eyes, breathe slowly, focus on how i feel physically & emotionally, adjust anything needed, & check my priorities before returning to work.

3. journal every night.
even if it just means a quick sentence about my day, i want to be better about pouring out each evening onto paper because it clears my mind, eases my heart, & prepares me for rest like no other remedy.

2. practicing the discipline of simplicity.
"stuff" can weigh you down & distract you from what is truly important. this is particularly true of me right now. my house has not gone through a good decluttering in too long. this week, i'll spend at least 15 minutes each night culling through my wardrobe, drawers, cabinets, papers, & basement to release things i don't need & don't use. i'll take these to goodwill at the end of the week so they can bless someone else.

1. keeping sabbath on sunday.
for me this means focusing on God, worship, & rest. i don't plan to be legalistic or anything, but i am not going to do work or errands or clean anything. most importantly, i am not going to have a single item on my 2do list! i want to spend the day with my church family, in fellowship, praying, reading, indulging in hobbies, writing, or cooking. these things are restful to me & conducive to my focus on experiencing the presence of God.


you'll notice i have two list items per category of self-care. i've set alarm reminders & created items in my 2do list to help me with my top 10 list. i'd also appreciate any accountability. i'll report back next week with my results -- how successful was i at sticking to my top 10, which actions made the most difference, & how i feel about myself as a result.

i encourage you to come up with your own top 10! or top three, or even just one thing you can do every day this week to take care of yourself & thereby make progress in F.L.Y.ing -- finally loving yourself!

what EASTER means for us today

happy easter!!! the greatest feast day of the christian calendar! in addition to my personal liturgy & daily devotional routines, i am celebrating today by attending early mass at the catholic church down the road [can.not.wait!], worship at my home church [we make a bigger deal out of communion this particular sunday], & a huge lunch with shaun's colleagues [one of my favorite traditions]. how are you celebrating the risen Christ today?

these thoughts from my book of liturgy challenged me to view easter not just as a day but, as it should be in the christian calendar, a season. i especially love how the authors reframe what our holidays are in terms of God's kingdom calendar. i hope you are equally blessed by this!


excerpt from common prayer: a liturgy for ordinary radicals:

"As Paul said in the first century, our faith means little if Jesus isn't risen from the dead. If Advent is our New Year's and Pentecost is the church's birthday, Easter is our Memorial Day, Independence Day, and Presidents' Day all in one. This is when we remember Christ's sacrifice for our sins, celebrate his victory over the powers of evil, and honor him as our true Commander in Chief.

"Holy Week begins with Jesus' inaugural parade on Palm Sunday and takes us through the drama of his last week in Jerusalem. In many ways, this is the week that teaches us our rhythm for every week in God's kingdom. It's often called 'passion week,' because it's full of suffering. (Passio is Latin for 'suffering.') This is one of the harder things to learn about following Jesus: his way to real life isn't easy. In the end, it'll get you killed. And most of us don't want to die. (This is why we have to practice denying ourselves through forty days of Lent, fasting from stuff that we usually enjoy so we can learn to hunger and thirst for God's kingdom.) . . . 

"Resurrection is such a big deal that we don't just take one day to celebrate it. Every Sunday is resurrection day. But we also set aside fifty days for the Easter season, putting aside our normal fasts and taking extra time to celebrate what God has done in our world. Forty days after Easter, we remember Jesus' ascension, when he returned to heaven and told the disciples to wait for the Holy Spirit, so they might become his body in the world. The ascension seals the deal for the disciples. (Up to that point, some of them had headed back to their familiar world of fishing and life as usual.) For us it is a reminder that the resurrection isn't just a miracle that happened two thousand years ago. It's a way of life we practice. Pentecost ends the Easter season, reminding us that we don't practice resurrection by our own strength, but have the Holy Spirit's power among us as a community called church. Jesus' story is now our story. And the next chapter begins today."

top 10 -- reasons to observe the religious calendar

10. any excuse to celebrate!
i have a friend who told me once that one reason she participated in the religious calendar was unabashedly because she loves to celebrate. that resonated with me as a lover of all things parties, & i have indeed enjoyed the preparations & celebrations thus far this year. [our purim feast is one great example.] i thrive on planning a party, inviting friends over, & sharing good conversation & laughter. the religious calendar has given me increased opportunities to do just this!

9. to experience something new
as a student of life, i believe one tenet to guide our "studies" must be the willingness to experience new things on a regular basis, even the proactive seeking of new things, & sometimes doing something new just for the sake of the experience & the story. experience enriches our lives, teaches us important lessons, gives us something to share with others, & helps us grow. when we shy away from a new experience, it is usually due to fear, fear of the unknown, & fear is the enemy of the student of life. we must not let our fears prevent us from living life to the fullest.

8. to learn more about our faith heritage
christianity has a two-thousand year history, & before that it is steeped in thousands of years of jewish history & practice. this is our heritage. to understand Christ's teachings, i must understand the religious audience to whom He spoke & His own life as a jew. to understand the current state of the church in its various sects & traditions, i must know our history, too. in looking to our future, we must first know where we've been to understand where we are going. knowing our faith heritage will enrich our current faith walk.

7. to identify with global christian community
millions of christians worldwide observe the religious calendar. [the same is true of jews observing their religious calendar.] it creates a sense of solidarity among us collectively & within each of us individually when we know there are others all over the world saying the same words, praying the same prayers, reading the same scriptures, meditating on the same thoughts. we become unified by our focus. we become thoughtful of one another. we remember we are not alone.

6. to establish new corporate traditions

i could write a whole post on how my particular faith tradition could learn & grow from incorporating some of the practices used in other churches, at least on occasion. but i'll suffice to say for now that we can all learn from one another, always. just as no individual is perfect, neither is any organization of individuals. every church has need to reflect, to reevaluate, to learn, & to change in some way to more live like the body of Christ. 

5. to reevaluate secular holidays
this is something shane claiborne writes about regularly, & his thoughts have affected my own views. as citizens of the kingdom of God, we define freedom, value, sacrifice, leadership, power, & a host of other concepts radically differently from our surrounding culture. these new ways of thinking should also affect our living & celebrating. while there exists a memorial day, an independence day, & a presidents' day particular to america, when/how to we celebrate ultimate sacrifice [Christ's on the cross], true freedom [found in Christ], & authentic leadership & authority [Christ's as King]? do we hail one kind of holiday as more important than the other kind? should we? what are our reasons & motivations? how should we as christians look different from this world? i wish i had more answers than questions, but it is very important to question & to think on these things.

4. to establish new holiday traditions
there are many holidays we celebrate that have both religious & secular histories & traditions. observing the religious calendar helps us review what secular practices are beneficial & fun, & which ones need to be done away with. observing the religious calendar also helps us learn about new beneficial & fun traditions that we can begin. for example, i have a friend who shared her how grandmother includes easter eggs within the normal egg hunt that contain slips of paper with scripture references written on them. once their family gathers back together, after the eggs have all be found, anyone with a scripture egg reads that passage aloud for everyone. there are hundreds of creative ideas for bringing our minds back to the purpose of these holidays -- some are unique to specific families & some are common in various faith communities -- & we can learn from them.

3. to enrich our personal faith practices
we have probably all been encouraged by various teachers to have a "quiet time" with God each day. but how that quiet time is shaped is unique to each person. for years, i filled it with just bible study from a bought workbook. bible study comes easier to me than any other faith practice. as i've grown older, i've tried to add in areas that i need desperately to grow in, like prayer. over the years, i've used various tools to help me learn how to pray -- informative books on prayer, devotionals that lead you through prayer, prayer journals, prayer lists, prayer schedules. all have taught me something, even though not all have been useful to me in the long-term. and what works for me may not work for you. this year, i added a daily liturgy [common prayer for ordinary radicals] & have been tremendously blessed by the practice. observing the religious calendar has helped me expand my understanding of personal quiet time but also ways to practice my faith in the rhythms of every day life beyond that set-aside morning hour. and so i continue to grow towards Christ as my quiet time evolves & as my daily routine includes putting my faith into action, too. [discalimer: i am not as consistent as i would like to be in having my quiet time or going through the prayer liturgy every day, so please don't be fooled by my speaking in general terms! still, God is faithfully growing me every time i do choose to spend with Him.]

2. to live by kingdom seasons & rhythms
i've written about this before in my post on marking my time by a different calendar, but shane claiborne says it better than i, & this portion deserves reposting:

every sturdy society has created its own calendar according to its own values. for some time now, western civilization has used the julian and gregorian calendars, which are influenced largely by the roman empire's traditions... but if we in the church are going to take our citizenship in heaven seriously, we must reshape our minds by marking our calendars differently. we must remember the holidays of the biblical narrative rather than the festivals of the caesars... the church's calendar weaves in and out of the world around us. it is not that we need a "christian" calendar because we want to separate ourselves from the "secular" world... the point is not to be sectarian or to try to put ourselves at odds with non-christians. the point is to keep God's story at the center of our lives and calendar... without liturgical time, we can easily forget our eternal identity. we can get lost in the hustle and bustle of business and efficiency that shapes our culture and society. likewise, without the cosmic calendar, we can become so heaven-bound that we ignore the hells of the world around us. and the glorious goal we are headed toward is not just going up when we die but bringing God's kingdom down -- on earth as it is in heaven.

1. to become increasingly centered on God
this is mentioned in the quote above, so i won't belabor the point. but this is ultimately the reason for observing the religious calendar because ultimately this is the purpose of our lives -- to become ever more focused on God, growing closer to Him, becoming more like His Son, & being Him to a dying world.

f.l.y. // why taking care of yourself is important

this is a series of blog posts i'm writing called f.l.y. // finally loving yourself in response to emily wierenga's dare to love yourself challenge.

my thesis is that we cannot truly love others [& thereby obey Jesus' second greatest command, matthew 22:37-40] until we learn to love ourselves.

part of loving myself is taking care of myself. or, taking it even another step back, believing that taking care of myself is important. women are notorious for not taking care of themselves for one reason or another. some say it's because they don't have time. they have to take care of so many other things & people. some have a distorted view of self-care. eating what they like is taking care of themselves. some are distracted by other interests. some feel "so far gone" they don't see the point anymore. some take it for granted. some think self-care is an unnecessary luxury, selfish in nature.

so, perhaps it would be good to start with a common definition of self-care. what i mean is keeping oneself in good working condition, like a car. my car isn't in perfect condition, & she has over 100,000 miles on her. she's got a few dings, a crack on the back bumper, & i like to use the floorboards as my trash can. one of the doors doesn't open up as easily as the others. the old wipers scratched an arc in the windshield. it doesn't have all the perks, & its gas mileage is only marginally decent. but i love my car. it's fun & comfortable to drive. it can haul tons of stuff & hold lots of people. it has lots of cup holders [which is a big deal to me]. it has a cd player & radio that work. the heat & air conditioning are insanely effective & fast. it's safe & reliable, & it's kinda sporty looking.

[my car back when she was new to us]

i'm not worried about the little dings, but i do touch up the paint when it gets scratched so it doesn't rust. i don't keep it perfectly clean all the time, but periodically, we like to wash it & vacuum it out. [and by we, i mean shaun.] we make sure to take it in for oil changes & tire rotations on time. and for her 100,000 milestone, i had her professionally detailed. not something we splurge on much [or ever], but i want this car to last, & we use it & use it hard. so, in gratitude for its reliable service so far & in hopes for continued reliability for many miles & years to come, i pampered my car a little. i plan to do it again when she turns 150,000 miles because i want to keep her until at least 250,000 miles. she's a good car, & if i want to keep her around, i have to keep her in good working condition.

the same is true of ourselves, body, mind, & spirit. if we want to stick around for very long & be of much use to others, we have to keep ourselves in good working condition. i may have a few blemishes & a few extra pounds hanging on. a few of my parts may have started working less efficiently with time. but i'm fun to be around, & i work hard. i take on lots of stuff & help lots of people. i have some awesome attributes that are unique to me. and i'm still pretty hip for a 31-year-old! i can't get worked up about every little imperfection or extra pound, but i do need to keep myself healthy. if i have too many extra pounds that keep me experiencing life & doing work that i've been called to because i don't have enough energy, it's time to take me in for service. and by service, i mean to the gym. even when i'm in top running order, i need to have regular check-ups & maintenance to keep me in good condition. i don't have to have my nails perfectly manicured, my hair perfectly styled, my clothes perfectly posh, my makeup perfectly radiant every single day. [thank goodness!] but i should keep my nails clean, my hair brushed, my clothes well-fitted, my makeup done when appropriate. and sometimes, when i hit a big milestone, i may need a little extra care! there's nothing wrong with getting your nails done, but that's not critical to self-care. still, it's nice once in a while to pamper yourself because it helps you keep going in top condition.

self-care is important to God.  >> it's one way we worship Him, by caring for His temples. we are collectively, as the church, His temple. don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple & that God's Spirit dwells in your midst? ... for God's temple is sacred, & you together are that temple (1 corinthians 3:16-17). and we are individually each little temples for God Himself to dwell within. do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? (1 corinthians 6:19). God set aside an entire tribe of israel to care for His tabernacle & temple. caring for God's dwelling place is an important act of worship toward Him, even today. 

self-care is important to our loved ones.   >> to serve others, we must have energy, stamina, & longevity. we receive these first & foremost from God above. He blesses us with every breath & every minute of our lives. He strengthens us when we are weak. He heals us when we are sick. the Lord gives & the Lord takes away (Job 1:21). but we too play a part in keeping ourselves well. we choose what we eat, whether to worry, whether to go obey God, whether to exercise, whether to pray, how much we sleep, how we spend our free time... these choices affect how often we get sick, how we feel each day, our stress levels, what we are able to do physically, mentally, & emotionally. these choices affect every person we come into contact with in some way or another, most especially our families.

our God & our loved ones deserve our very best. to give it to them, we must diligently take care of bodies, minds, & souls in appropriate ways.

may God teach us how to love ourselves so that we can more fully love Him & others.

words to LIVE by #6 -- PALM SUNDAY edition

"Let us say to Christ: Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, the king of Israel. Let us wave before him like palm branches the words inscribed above him on the cross. Let us show him honor, not with olive branches, but with the splendor of merciful deeds to one another. Let us spread the thoughts and desires of our hearts under his feet like garments, so that he may draw the whole of our being into himself and place the whole of his in us."

-- Andrew of Crete [8th c. martyr]

this quote reminds me that palm sunday is something i read about taking place in a foreign place & ancient times AND something i can live out in my world today. i can shout Hosana! Hosana in the highest! praising His name today & every day. i can honor Him as my King by living as He decrees i should, acting justly, loving mercy, & walking humbly by His side [micah 6:8]. i can honor my King by preparing the way for the Lord into me, into the church, into the world. i can honor my King by letting Him draw me to Him as He so longs to do. palm sunday is happening today as much as it was two thousand years ago. palm sunday is happening in me.